Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
I have a dream of a world without guns, and knives, and swords, then I dream “I should open a gun shop there.”
Without the word “indescribable” some things couldn’t be described.
If dogs could talk, would they really have anything I want to hear?
Never judge someone till you walk a mile in their shoes. Then you’ll be a mile away with their shoes.
Can you cry under water?
I was feeling sorry for myself because my shoes were so worn out and I was out of money. Then I saw a friend who had broken both ankles. I thought, wow, I bet he has some shoes he won’t be using for a while.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions.
Don’t take your dog into space. If it stuck its head out of the window during reentry, it would burn its face off.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. You don’t know where it’s been.
How important do you have to be before you're
assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents
in"... but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
What disease did cured ham have?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all
that ACME stuff, why didn't he
just buy dinner?
I feel bad that chickens can’t cross the road without having their motives questioned.
Do you have to use a silencer to shoot a mime?